One thing that I will never stop

“You were REALLY cruel!” This is what my literature teacher told me after watching me playing the role Pozzo, a cruel master in the play, “Waiting for Godot”. Proudly, I took that as an accomplishment. He was right. I was cruel. I was the cruelest man for about 30 minutes. It was not because I read the liens of Pozzo realistically. It was because I was Pozzo.

           Some might say that I enjoy the feeling of escapism. Yes. It is partly true. Acting as a person who I had never been and never will be is certainly a great experience. I can find out the extent in which I can be bad or good. I can also get wider range of feelings such as sadness and nervousness toward a lover. Even more, I can experience things that I had no opportunity to do before such as dancing as a black girl, or flattering to the king as a hypocritical attendant. And most importantly, I do not get any blame for being any one. This is cool. Becoming another person, do whatever I want to do, and act as if it was not me (because it was really not me!) after the play is over is quite a fun game to play. But, is this all? Do I act only to get these secret pleasures? Is acting really all about escapism? Personally, I do not think so.

           I started acting when I was five. Nothing professional, I just followed a famous character in a Korean movie, wearing weird yellow clothes and red socks. Honestly, I do not remember why I did that. But it was certainly something that I wanted to do repeatedly. There was this little feeling that I did not know exactly what it was in the past. It was the feeling of becoming me, revealing myself and gaining confidence.

           Sadly, I did not have enough chance to train myself in acting while I was in the elementary and middle school. I loved acting but it was just not what I would do for my entire life. I needed to do so many other things. I had time to study, to read books, to run alone, and to play piano for fun, but I had no real time to commit myself in acting. I started to forget. That fluttering mind, that fascination, and that feelings. All were gone. I could feel nothing. I was playing the role, Robot, in the play “Fading Dreams in mundane life”.

           After entering high school, I heard from the introduction class that there is a musical club in the school. Musical? Is that same as acting? Never had any thought about musicals, I was not sure at first whether I wanted to be a member or not. Then, accidently, on a Sunday morning, I happened to watch a video version of the musical, “Cat”. As watching it, I just became a rock in front of the screen. Musical was same as acting. Actually it was more than acting. My once hard heart started to beat again.

           As a member of the club, “Stars on Stage”, my first real acting experience began. In the musical “Hair Spray”, I acted the role, Inez. It was not a major role and no one expected the musical to be so popular among the audience. Because we had so little time to prepare, we could not plan everything in detail. Without detailed plan for dance composition, the musical started. I was nervous about the lack of preparation. When I went on to the stage, however I changed. Without thinking anything, I could dance just as I want and make adlibs. I put all my passion on the musical. Although I was only a supporting role, people remembered me quite a lot after the musical which made me feel proud. They said that I looked as if I really became Inez. They could see that I not only performed the musical but also enjoyed the whole play. They said that they could feel cheerful looking at me.

           So what does acting mean to me now? It is something that I cannot give up. It is something that gives me pride, happiness, and hope. It is something that reveals me the best. Even when I act a role that is completely different from my own self, it reveals my personality, even some characteristics that I did not know before. Acting helps me show myself better. I believe I could become even more cheerful by bright experiences of acting. One can easily be cheerful. However, making others feel better is not an easy task. I believe I have the power to make others feel happy. I want to further develop this personality and spread this uncontrollably fantastic feeling even more.

         One thing to confess here! I am not really good at memorizing the lines. It is my weakness in acting. But! For me, it is not really important. What I want to do is not like becoming a professional actress. I am satisfied that I learn more about myself and feel more emotions through acting.

This is why I love acting.