Ben X and Maundy Thursday

Ben X and  Maundy Thursday

“Yeah! Early is over!” Shouting out happily, I searched for a movie to watch in my free time. The movie that I decided to watch was a very sad one, Maundy Thursday (우리들의 행복한 시간). Watching this movie last night, I figured out that this movie and the movie Ben X are quite closely related with each other. While watching these, I found two common themes in them.

1. We learn from other people’s death.

In the movie Ben X, no actual death occurs. However, I believe the fake funeral was striking enough to teach all the people in the movie and us that bullying is something we should never do. Being honest, I know that the scene looked a bit awkward because it looked like the director wanted to heroize Ben. But, still the scene did have a moving impact.

Interestingly, in Maundy Thursday, same thing happens. Here, the lesson becomes more personal. A woman who had tried several times to destroy her “miserable” life learns the value of being alive through meetings with a death-row convict. In the end, the death-row convict eventually dies and the woman figures out that there is nothing she can do about it other than praying to god. She tries to be good to her mother who she previously hated thinking that being nice to her might change the situation of the death-row convict but inside she herself knows that there is really nothing she can do for him. The death of that death-row convict mattered to her. That was why she started to change.

In the beginning part of the movie Ben X, Ben’s mom comes out and talks about why we need a scapegoat when we want to make changes. Like what she says, death of a person can bring changes because death matters to people. Death can shock people. People will start to move after getting that shock. Before that, they do not try as hard as they can to change because the issue does not touch their hearts directly.

2. We change in front of the ones that we love.

In Ben X, Ben changes his attitude toward life after he meets his girl friend. (although she is imaginary) Ben, who did not know how to express his feelings to others shows his emotions through eyes to the girl he loves. Watching the scene of Ben being happy with his girl friend, I could feel that the strongest power that enables a close minded person to change is love.

In Maundy Thursday, similar scene comes out. While watching the part where the death-row convict and the woman (both were very much close minded at first) opening their mind and talking about their deepest pains, I could once again feel the warm power of love. 

     Watching these movies, I could dedicate bunch of my time on thinking about life and death. To me, death is something scary that I should avoid watching. I still get sick for few days after watching movies that show deaths of people. 

     So, I might suffer for few days from now. But, I do not regret watching these. These two movies showed me how much blessed I am to be alive with people who I love. 

Just say it, dude!

          Knowing how to use language appropriately in certain situations is a crucial skill to possess. There are times that we need to mitigate our words but there are also times that we need to be assertive and strong in what we are saying. The problem is, not many people know when to be strong and when to be soft. In chapter 7, The Ethnic Theory of Plane Crashes, Gladwell points out the lack of the ability to talk accordingly to the situation which eventually leads to errors in teamwork and communication, as the major cause of plane crashes.
     While reading chapter 7, I got so frustrated. The attitudes and the mitigated language use of the first officers irritated me. Especially, the possible statements of first officers such as, "Boy, this is a, this is a losing battle here on trying to de-ice those things, it gives you a false feeling of security, that's all that does." seemed really useless in an emergency. However, if this kind of situation only takes place in job places of adults, I would stop thinking about it in a serious way. What made me feel even more frustrated was the fact that this weird atmosphere of mitigating oneself even exists in students' society. My school is a primary example.
     In my school, a huge gap exists between seniors, juniors, and freshmen. We all say outwardly that we are KMLA family but in reality, most of us are not that much close to each other. In most times, this lack of understanding does not make any problem. However, when we try to do some project or experiment together, the problems that are previously hidden are revealed.
     The most serious problem that I faced while working with some juniors was the lack of communication. One by one, they were really great students. Sometimes they were so good at certain subjects that I even felt intimidating. Although they had great abilities however, it was not really a pleasant time for me to work with them. Because of the gap and because of the lack of mutual understanding, I constantly felt somewhat uncomfortable. I  could not say the things that I wanted to say clearly because I was afraid that they might think that I'm trying to act like a senior.
     Another problem was that they too had difficulty addressing me to work on something. They tried to give me the less amount of work so that I would not complain about them in the future. Of course I liked to work less but that situation was certainly not natural. The project ended quite successfully  (which is quite surprising) but no one really felt happy during the project.
     When doing a work, communication is crucial. Without talking, nothing can be done. Problem is, many people fear talking. We, including my self, fear about our image, our future, and the immediate response that we will going to get. However, in order to succeed, we need to take those minds away from us. We need to have a courage to speak up.

     The lesson I learned from this chapter? Whenever you work with someone and you have something to say, JUST say it!
   

The Worst College Essay (chain writing)

     Metaphorically speaking, I am the Moon in the sky. Ok. I guess you might not understand what I mean by this. You guys are not that intricate as me to comprehend my noble thoughts. Let me just tell you the literal meaning. It means that I am the best in the world. I'm always shining in the sky and I am also quite pretty and well-rounded.

     I have always been the one that people envy and admire. I have always been the best in every group I belonged to., I never experienced failure and only perfection was what defines me. So you probably cannot reject my application.

     So let me list just few of the evidences why I am the moon in the sky. First, I am very modest just like this essay. It is very unusual of me to brag about myself. Sometimes, I try to hide my extraordinary achievements.; despite my effort however, they just show up and instill a sense of admiration in my colleagues. I don't think they are inferior to me, but still it is evident that I am not like them. I am "more" special and that I do not reveal that truth makes me even more possibly most special. Okay, let me be very direct. It is undoubtable that in any group, I should always be the leader, in terms of leadership and skills. I am the best and the best should be given prestigious jobs and positions.

     Second, I am radiant. I have great personality which makes me stand above all others. I am optimistic and talented and what's more, I'm also very attractive. I am very cool. I am very outgoing. I'm the very person who can cheer up others. I've been the leader of many clubs and student council because everyone likes me. No doubt. I am the best person in my community, and as brilliant as the moon in the sky.

     Third, I am extremely attractive to teachers. With my charming smile and fool-looking face already named Mr. Menard. Mr. Tweedie and other teachers mine. Thanks. I did not have to concern seriously whom to tell for teacher's recommendation later. They may think they are special teachers for me but they are only part of my large aquarium.

     And you too, Mr. Admission officer, are already a part of my unfathomable masterplan. Think not? You just don't recognize it yet. Now take a deep breath, and think for yourself. When you go home and look in the mirror, the face of the girl that appears is MINE. When you go to sleep, the one you dream of is ME. You are already "under my skin." You are my slave. Do you want the chance to become the moon's sun? Then you better let me in. Q. E. D.

P.S. If you are a "Miss..." Well, I hope you're lesbian;;

<The End>

Comment

     I like you a lot. Let's meet right now. Miss Lesbian officer.
     Too perfect. End of writing. Cannot touch. ㄷㄷㄷㄷㄷㄷ

An interesting essay that I found

Q: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence. 


Written by Jessica Lau


<All We Need is Love>
     
     I had the best seat in the classroom. Second row from the front, fifth seat back - not the most facilitating position for a slightly near-sighted freshman to learn world history from. No matter. In my mind, the Bantu and the Bushmen played second fiddle to a boy named Brian. 
     To me, Brian was the paragon of human existence. I, on the other hand, remained quietly, passively, and uninterestingly in the background, stifled by shyness, and getting out of high school not much more than good test scores and As on my report cards. I was part of the furniture, and "Unobtrusive" was my middle name. Brian was the oil to my vinegar. His strength of character (combined with his extremely good looks) lit up any room he entered and touched all those lucky enough to be graced by his presence. His self-confidence, persuasive abilities, unending capabilities, and almost childlike enthusiasm for everything literally put me in awe. I recognized in him not only qualities I desired in my potential boyfriend, but also everything I'd always wanted for myself.
     My excessive adoration drove me to ridiculous lengths. I went about meeting my goal of becoming his girlfriend strategically. The closer to him I got, I figured, the easier the catch. Therefore, when soccer season started, and Brian joined the team, I decided to give the sport a try myself. Brian chose computer science as his elective, so I did as well. When he auditioned for the school play, I followed suit. Like a lemming, I blindly trailed his footsteps whenever they led. 
     Alas, my efforts failed, and my beloved soon found a love of his own. It was a sad day in my life. However, all was not lost. I was left with all the new activities, the residue of my unsuccessful pursuit. To my surprise, I realized that they were more than meaningless, leftover obligations; they had acquired personal significance and importance to me. Before soccer, I had never played on a sports team, and my eyes were opened to the benefits of the comradery and cohesiveness of a team, and even to the physical benefits of aerobic activity. I discovered my hidden talent in computer programming, and I proceeded to take all of the classes my school offered. I loved the thrill of becoming a new person (even if only a townsperson or chorus member) on the stage, and I fed my interest by making play auditions an annual event. 
     From there, I started taking my own initiatives. I had forgotten my timidity; I gained the confidence to go out and do things by myself and for myself. I joined the softball team and volunteered for the Key Club. I raised my hand in class and took an active role at school. I fearlessly and enthusiastically tackled everything in my path. This change in me benefited not only my school career, but everything I did, from the first impressions I make on new friends to my mood in general.
     One late spring day in history class, our teacher, Miss Duke, opened the class for student council nominations. Sure, I was now involved in the school, but I was no leader. I promptly shut my ears and diverted my attention. A few minutes later, in the midst of my daydream, I heard my name. Its source? None other than He Himself; Brian.Did I accept the nomination? I forgot my hesitancy, delivered a somewhat shocked and disbelieving nod, wrote a speech, and before I knew it, became class president. 
     This single event completed the transformation in me. My role as a participant developed into that of a leader. I learned the thrill of spearheading a project. I realized the excitement of making things happen. Best of all, I discovered the reward of inspiring other people, showing them what was shown to me. 
     Following a boy around was not the proudest moment of my life, but in doing so, I grew a lot as a person. As my eyes were opened to the benefits of simple school activities, I gained self-confidence, an open mind, and an ambition that has defined who I am and where I am going.


     This essay was not necessarily the best essay for me, but I thought that it is certainly entertaining and insightful. With this essay, Jessica was accepted in Dartmouth, Harvard, Tufts, and UVA.

The Last Time I Cried

<The Last Time I Cried>

                 

"What you think is not always what you feel."

(You might not understand what I talk about in this essay because first, it is quite personal, and second, I am not really explaining the details of the story much because I feel embarrassed about it.)

We often believe that humans are rational beings who are capable of making right decisions. It seems true. We are logical. We have the ability to think and evaluate properly. Our minds are well programmed to find out what are good for us and what are not. Yes. We are great because we are humans.

But… Really?

Sometimes we do things that even ourselves do not understand. Sometimes we follow our instincts when deciding something. Sometimes we are not logical. Sometimes we forget how to think and evaluate properly. Our minds are programmed to pretend as if we are perfect. But, in reality we all are in some way irrational and fragile.

Finding this simple fact out is not easy. It doesn’t really feel good to know that we are not logical beings because this kind of “epiphany” often comes with embarrassment. When that moment of truth comes, you would not want to accept it for 100%. At least I felt like that. I tried to reject it.

That moment came to me last semester. It was the day when the midterm had ended finally. I was physically exhausted but mentally alive. So, I decided to go to Miss. Han’s lunch party. (which was the irrational decision #1) At first, it was great. The food was good. The talk was interesting. Everything was going fine. Then, one boy, who saw me laughing too much, and thinking that I would not care much about whatever he says to me, came up and said, “Today I found out that your eyes are really small.” All of a sudden, I was stoned.

Trust me. I am not the kind of person who gets upset easily and frequently. Most of the times, I do not care much. But, I do have a problem that I know well about. Sometimes, certain words or certain phrases make me become strange. I do not really get mad or anything. The fact is I get HURT. And that was certainly one of those kinds of phrases. I don’t know. Maybe I was too sensitive. Maybe my exhausted body hampered me from thinking properly. I tried to keep my stupid smile from fading out. I pretended as if I don’t care. The party ended up in a good mood. Except me, everyone was happy. No one knew that my mind was scratched. Well, I did not want anyone to know that because I thought I would become “uncool” if they know that I am such a small-minded person. (which is basically true)

Okay. So, this is the basic story. But, wait! It hasn’t ended yet. I was hurt, but I am not that much a timid person to cry just because of this small event.

I came back to my room. I felt empty. I needed to talk with someone. Fortunately, when I saw my phone, there was a text message waiting for me to look at. It was from a close friend of mine. With a blank mind, I started exchanging messages with him. Soon, I felt better. He was certainly a pleasant talker. He knew when to talk what. While I was texting with him, my roommate came in and asked me whether or not I would buy roses. (There is a Rose Day in school when students exchange roses not only in romantic purposes but also in pure purposes.) Because I was texting with him, and because I thought that he was certainly a close friend, I told him that I would buy a rose for him, really just as a friend. (Irrational decision #2) He replied. “No. You don’t need to. Actually, you shouldn’t cause I will not buy any for you.”

At first I thought that he was misinterpreting my purpose. So, I said, “I didn’t mean something weird. I just meant to give you that for friendship. That’s all.” But, still, he said, NO. This time, he added an explanation for my better understanding. He said, “Roses mean something special to me. I will not tell you why they are special, but they just mean much to me. I want to receive it from someone special. You are certainly a close friend of mine but you are not a “special” friend to me. Even if you give me one, I will not give you. So, just don’t give me.” Yes. He was honest. And, honestly, I did not want myself to be in any way special to him. I, myself had never thought of him as a “special” friend, either. So, maybe I should have not felt bad about what he said. But, you know what? Our minds work in a strange way that even we do not understand.

At that moment, I cried.(Irrational behavior #3) I do not know exactly why until now. I did not really like him that much but just thinking that I will be forever NOT special to him made me sad. Unconsciously, I was hurt again. One bad thing happening in one day is okay, but two things in one day are just too much to handle. The bad memory of lunch and this weird experience were all mixed up and came to me in a form of a monster. The exam was over but I could not be happy at all.

Luckily, I met good friends after that moment. In the cafeteria, I met my closest friend and told her everything about it because I had nothing to hide to her. She did not understand me at first but she tried hard to help me feel better. Even more, in the elevator as I was going down, I met a friend who knows me much. He noticed that I was crying. Knowing my somewhat secretly strange personality well, he helped me get out of my sadness. At first I got embarrassed and did not want to tell him what had happened, but after talking with him I really felt better. Until now, I feel thankful to them.

Now, I know that humans are not always logical and all that. That day, I found out that I cannot even predict myself. Learning this was certainly painful. However, because I know now that there will be people who try to understand me whatever strange thing I do, I feel relieved. I don't feel empty anymore. 

IQ does not represent everything (after reading chapter 3)

     "Knowledge of a boy's IQ is of little help if you are faced with a formful of clever boys."
     This is sooooooo true! Living in this school, I often feel this. In order to survive, we do not need to become geniuses. We just need to have "enough" intelligence, "enough" personal quality, and "enough" knowledge. After that, nothing really matters.
     But! as a student, we constantly want more. Often, we are not satisfied. Maybe it is because we do not know for sure how our future will be. We are unsure about ourselves. That makes us to work and worry more and more.
     Now, let's stop it. Let's stop torturing ourselves.

     Don't know why this writing turned out to be gloomy. Maybe, I need a little bit of rest.

One thing that I will never stop

“You were REALLY cruel!” This is what my literature teacher told me after watching me playing the role Pozzo, a cruel master in the play, “Waiting for Godot”. Proudly, I took that as an accomplishment. He was right. I was cruel. I was the cruelest man for about 30 minutes. It was not because I read the liens of Pozzo realistically. It was because I was Pozzo.

           Some might say that I enjoy the feeling of escapism. Yes. It is partly true. Acting as a person who I had never been and never will be is certainly a great experience. I can find out the extent in which I can be bad or good. I can also get wider range of feelings such as sadness and nervousness toward a lover. Even more, I can experience things that I had no opportunity to do before such as dancing as a black girl, or flattering to the king as a hypocritical attendant. And most importantly, I do not get any blame for being any one. This is cool. Becoming another person, do whatever I want to do, and act as if it was not me (because it was really not me!) after the play is over is quite a fun game to play. But, is this all? Do I act only to get these secret pleasures? Is acting really all about escapism? Personally, I do not think so.

           I started acting when I was five. Nothing professional, I just followed a famous character in a Korean movie, wearing weird yellow clothes and red socks. Honestly, I do not remember why I did that. But it was certainly something that I wanted to do repeatedly. There was this little feeling that I did not know exactly what it was in the past. It was the feeling of becoming me, revealing myself and gaining confidence.

           Sadly, I did not have enough chance to train myself in acting while I was in the elementary and middle school. I loved acting but it was just not what I would do for my entire life. I needed to do so many other things. I had time to study, to read books, to run alone, and to play piano for fun, but I had no real time to commit myself in acting. I started to forget. That fluttering mind, that fascination, and that feelings. All were gone. I could feel nothing. I was playing the role, Robot, in the play “Fading Dreams in mundane life”.

           After entering high school, I heard from the introduction class that there is a musical club in the school. Musical? Is that same as acting? Never had any thought about musicals, I was not sure at first whether I wanted to be a member or not. Then, accidently, on a Sunday morning, I happened to watch a video version of the musical, “Cat”. As watching it, I just became a rock in front of the screen. Musical was same as acting. Actually it was more than acting. My once hard heart started to beat again.

           As a member of the club, “Stars on Stage”, my first real acting experience began. In the musical “Hair Spray”, I acted the role, Inez. It was not a major role and no one expected the musical to be so popular among the audience. Because we had so little time to prepare, we could not plan everything in detail. Without detailed plan for dance composition, the musical started. I was nervous about the lack of preparation. When I went on to the stage, however I changed. Without thinking anything, I could dance just as I want and make adlibs. I put all my passion on the musical. Although I was only a supporting role, people remembered me quite a lot after the musical which made me feel proud. They said that I looked as if I really became Inez. They could see that I not only performed the musical but also enjoyed the whole play. They said that they could feel cheerful looking at me.

           So what does acting mean to me now? It is something that I cannot give up. It is something that gives me pride, happiness, and hope. It is something that reveals me the best. Even when I act a role that is completely different from my own self, it reveals my personality, even some characteristics that I did not know before. Acting helps me show myself better. I believe I could become even more cheerful by bright experiences of acting. One can easily be cheerful. However, making others feel better is not an easy task. I believe I have the power to make others feel happy. I want to further develop this personality and spread this uncontrollably fantastic feeling even more.

         One thing to confess here! I am not really good at memorizing the lines. It is my weakness in acting. But! For me, it is not really important. What I want to do is not like becoming a professional actress. I am satisfied that I learn more about myself and feel more emotions through acting.

This is why I love acting.